Just some poem...

Laughing, smiling. All around me.
I wish I could be the same
I wonder what could be
That can help me to be happy

All along I know I am strong
Standing alone is not wrong
I am smiling showing I'm not weak
But inside you can't see its hidden

I can't say that you're wrong
I can't say that you're right
I can't think of anything that can set my heart straight
I can't feel anything that can help to put me head right

Although I know you'll not read this
Although I know you don't know its existences
Although you might be somewhere else
Although you might just be in my mind
But I still want to say that thank you
and know that 'll never forget you.

So what?

listening to chester see's songs.. I just got this feeling of longing in my heart.... It might not be just right but think, and think carefully...

All Lonely Loser's Enemy's Me...

to think about the memories that is artificial.... i want it to be real.... real for me to remember....
something that I desires to remember..... a fake memories....
A shell can capture the sound of the sea... like a memory....
but what if it capture something else??
something more just the sound, something just as real??
the feeling of a fake memories.... it just... sometimes it just nice to decide what your end is... isn't it???

All Lonely Loser's Enemy's Me...

hey guys.... so today I'm back with a whole lot of new ideas... okay since you know that I'm a kind of girl that observes here what I want you to think....

Ever wonder:
What would happen
if your name is not your name?
if you have a whole new identity?
If you have an artificial memory of someone being important to you?
If you found out that the artificial memories was actually your past live memories?
if you lived for eternity?
if you found out that you were labelled something that you weren't?
If someday you have a mental disorder?
if you have an overly active imagination??
If you were given one chance to rectify something in your past?
if you found somebody that you really cared for in your life?
if you just care a little bit for the world?
if you were betrayed by the one that you trust and love the most?
If you dreamed of something that is out of this world ?
if you feel like you don't want to live in this world but in your own?
if you shared your morning with strangers?
If all of this question were answered?

the last and final question...
if you have a quite morning, a peaceful one, thinking back to all the question that you wonder...
would you still want....... to think???

All Lonely Loser's Enemy's Me...

hahahahahhahaha... any way... I'm just updating something that i think would be good for my memories....
my cousin Jun entered a singing comp in India, and he WON, 3rd place... hahaha
me??? well everything actually... hmmm got my assignment done, part of it... and learning some Wing chun basic.... and others...

the fact that The Title is as such is because... well u'll figure I think...
anyways... i feel kinda hungry lately... huh... maybe bcoz of the fact that Im getting bigger??? huh.... Anyways.. Um... i've develop a new hobby lately that is, streaming on Youtube.. My fav so far, would be David Choi Wong Fu Production KevJumba, Ryan Higa, Chester see, Victor Kim... Basically all those YTF team in you tube... anyway\s...
I feel really connected to them (like any others of their fans...) talk about asian... anyways.. I just feel that I need to support them... (hehehehe).. Yeah... anyways... my birthday is coming soon, n I hope to get a lot of present (like that ever gonna happened) i am really hopeful to get a plushies on my bday especially a Wong Fu productions of Toys... for dat I bid you chiao!!

my feelings...

when a guy gives u a doll, what do you say? of course thanks.
but deep down what do you feel?
I feel a miss.... something is not right here...

when a guy cares about you, what do you say? of course wow.
but deep down what do you feel?
I just got the answer, I feel happy. until I find out that he does that to all the girls. typical..

when a guy just wants to be friends with you, what do you say? of course okay.
but deep down what do you feel?
I feel sad... because he's the one that I like. n sorry until now I still dun get any answer...

when a guy looks at you and just ignores you, what do you say? of course jerk.
but deep down what do you feel?

these are the feeling that I get, sad, annoyed, weird, unworthy etc.... anyway... I know I'm not the 1 that hoping for anything... but I do share my feelings..
Anyway... I'm relieve...

Chameleon

Page 1

It’s cold tonight. My hands and legs are numb, I can’t feel them. My stomach growling, having nothing to eat but leftovers in the trashcan. I had to fight dogs for food to survive, catching rats for dinner. Yeah...What a life.

 I hate living like this. I just want to sleep, can barely keep my eyes open, I’m tired. Lying down helplessly like this, I hate it. I hate everything in my life.  But what can I do? Maybe... If I just let it...I will finally leave this world.

 A pair of black shining shoes came closer and stopped in front of me. I looked at the owner of theshoes, but my visions was all blur. I know he is rich, his tailored suit said it all. I guess he wants to end my life. I gladly accept it.

“You will do.”

That three words, it change my life completely. From a complete beggar, to a machine. I am now living a life full of lie, alive so that I can end others. This is my life, my life as a Chameleon.

 My name? I have a lot of names and I have forgotten my original name. The name that my Father give me is Yu, which means moon in Chinese.

My Father, saved me from the brink of death. He took me in with three more children like me. He trained, educate and mould us  into a Chameleon.

Chameleon,  a perfect human. A perfect puppet that can adapt to almost everything in the world, that can play every role in society and knows how to blend in to have a perfect life. Perfect assassin.

Every day was gruelling, we had to fight to survive. He trained us to master every weapon known to man and taught us every language in the world. We had to learn everything in order to survive.

He taught us that compassion is weak, merciful is suicide and love is destruction. These three will only leads to us be killed.

My siblings and I were all obedient to him because if we don’t we would be sent to the Chair to be rectify. Living with him day by day, going through all the hardship was tough for an 8 year old child. Sometime, I wonder why am I alive.

I have three brothers, all whom I came to know very closely during our time spent together. My eldest brother, he was 12 when Father took him. Beaten for stealing to the point of near death because he was hungry.

He was the first one that Father took care of. Like me, he was given a new name and a new identity. He is Ri, Sun in Chinese.

My second  brother, he was only 10 when Father found him running from the Mafia lord carrying a bag full of money. He was almost buried alive. Given a new name as Huo, fire in Chinese,  he started a new life with Father and Ri.

Third brother, Sui. He is the quiet one, like his name, water. He was 9 years old. Calm and mysterious, that is him. He doesn’t talk much, but I know something horrible must have happened to him that made Father took him in.

We were trained by the best of the best in every aspect including manner. By the age of 12, I was already fluent with eight languages, master almost all the form of martial art and can dissemble and resemble a gun under a minute with blindfold.

We never knew what compassion felt like or love. All that we get from him are harsh words. Sometimes I wonder if he loves us at all.

Fortunately, I know someone who does. She was locked in the Dungeon. We were not allowed to go there. But sometimes we sneaked in just to hear her sing and tell us stories whenever Father treated us badly.

She taught us differently than Father. Taught us to love and not hate, to be understanding and listen. Slow to anger and think. It is so opposite to Father’s teaching.

We never actually saw her face, we just crowded the door and ask her to sing. She always know how to console my brothers and cheer them up.

We don’t know why she was locked in there, but Father always came down to see her.  I tried asking her for the reason once, she said that Father locked her to protect her. But I know she’s lying, I can see it in her eyes.

I wished she could be free, walking outside. We tried talking about this to Father, only we ended up strapped to the Chair and electrocuted. He said never again to go to the Dungeon, never  talk to her.

But we did not stop. She was the only reason that we still smiling when Father treats us badly. One day, the unfortunate happened. She was missing from her room.

We have tried to search for her in the compound, but she was nowhere to be found. We tried asking Father,  he said that he had killed her. It was really a blow to us all, a heavy blow.

I cried nonstop. The one that loves me is dead. My brothers, they all that I have left. They promised me that they would not leave me alone.

All four of us mourn for the woman that we consider as a mother. I will remember her by heart, even though I don’t know her face. All of us will.